With the book nearing completion I have taken the plunge and moved to a new website.
It's taken a little time to get it up and running as is it's a bit more complex than the forgiving and mostly idiot-proof facilities of blogger.com
However, I'm always up for a new challenge so am currently wrapping my head around WordPress.
I would love for you to join me over at the new locale.
See you there......
11 December 2012
04 November 2012
Decisions... decisions...
It's a tough task.
Not every situation will result in a win-win and there will be many times that one of you does not get what you want. And that just plain sux! Especially when it's you.
John Gottman is a psychologist who runs The Love Lab says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by study how well they get along, but how well they don't.
(Inserted comment section: while I like John's thoughts about couples working through conflict, am a little disturbed by the smiles of John and his wife and John's hat in the section that advertises sex videos)
(Oh, and I haven't looked at the sex videos from the "privacy of my own home" as I am don't want to find out it they feature him and his wife) (Sometimes mystery is a good thing.)
Anyhoo.... back to the point! How well you get through the tough times - and disagreeing can be very tough sometimes - is definitely a defining feature of ANY relationship. This includes your friends, your family and those folk you have to spend inordinate amounts of time with at work. (Am very jealous if you love all your work mates).
Unless you are a person who goes with flow so much you resemble a lazy river of molten magma, there will be times when you disagree with others and either have to, or want to stand your ground. And how does that look for you?
Do you dig your heels in every time? Make a valiant attempt to stand your ground, but feebly give in when things get tough? Do you give in all the time for the sake of peace? Do you run logic arguments and keep a tally of who has won x number of disagreements in the last year?
There's no right and wrong answer and no magic solution. There are a lot of counsellors, self-help books and websites you can go to for help though - and that's maybe not a bad thing.
My husband and I are both quite definite in what we like and don't. It makes for some tough conversations. When I give in, I'll often think "I'll remember that for next time and use it as amunition when I want to get my way", but fortunately, my memory is not that great on such minutia. Ultimately that strategy is not worth the effort anyway. I do give in on 'stuff' though, but don't ever pretend that I am happy about it. I'm not talking sulking, resentful behaviour - just honesty.
And when I give in and don't get what I want, I do it with grace! Which is my biggest 'thing'. If you do give in - do it with grace or DON'T DO IT!
How is this in anyway related to sleeping separately? Well, what happens when one person wants to sleep separately and one doesn't? Now there is a monumental discord.
I spoke to four couples who are in that situation and can I tell you, the conversations were tense. In all couples, it was the man who did not want the separate rooms. I can report that the couples were sleeping separately, but with a heavy mist of unease cool-ly swirling in the hallways of the house.
And realistically, that might be all they will ever get. An uneasy truce. Why should the husband have to all of sudden decide that he is happy about sleeping separately from his wife? And why should the wife endure night after night of no sleep because of a snoring husband?
Unfortunately folks what we have here is an unwinnable situation - and they do exist. Not every disagreement has a happy ending. But do you walk away from what might be a very happy and functioning relationship because you can't get your way in one situation? I know that question has to be answered in the context of what the situation is (e.g., Fifty Shades of Grey type dilemmas).
I'm not offering an answer - because there is none. Back to a common theme of mine - every relationship is different and every person is different. Your life is what you want and that makes it OK. Sometimes though, it's good to stop and ponder your own behaviour, so that when one of those tricky situations arises, you may have some internal preparation done in readiness.
Goodness, goodness me life can be tough!
09 October 2012
A meek but enthusiastic return
Even though I don't have too many followers and am not completely inundated with views (even though I was beyond excited when I hit 1000 - I have even more since then) I feel compelled to explain my absence of 3 months and 3 days.
All of my writing energies have been completely channelled on finishing my book.
With the manuscript submitted last Monday, I am re-discovering:
All have been re-engineered with a tempting shimmer never seen before - yes even the shelves in the fridge. If anyone had told me I would one day be WANTING to clean my fridge I would have ripped their arms off and walked away. Lucky that person never approached me with such madness as they still live a productive and happy life complete with arms.
I am excited about the book. However................. until the publisher says "Jenny - it's all go and we'll be transforming your words into the next He's Just Not That Into You" I am self-managing my expectations with the skill and deftness of a panda wrangler.
At the moment, publication date is 26 March 2013 and I am praying that this day proves to be the end of a gigantic cycle of the universe where all planets align and this strangely causes many, many people to decide that sleeping separately is THE thing to do. They will all then need a book that gives them practical suggestions about doing it successfully - enter:
Who wouldn't want to buy that!!
I look forward to returning to blogging. It's a creative squeeze that I do enjoy.
Another reason I was able to return to the blog was the completion of 50 Shades of Grey. Reading such title was my promise to myself upon completion of the manuscript.
I really should have organised a better reward for myself. More about that later.
All of my writing energies have been completely channelled on finishing my book.
With the manuscript submitted last Monday, I am re-discovering:
- housework
- gardening
- shelves in my fridge
- free time during the week and on weekends
- books read for pleasure
- clean surfaces in the study
All have been re-engineered with a tempting shimmer never seen before - yes even the shelves in the fridge. If anyone had told me I would one day be WANTING to clean my fridge I would have ripped their arms off and walked away. Lucky that person never approached me with such madness as they still live a productive and happy life complete with arms.
I am excited about the book. However................. until the publisher says "Jenny - it's all go and we'll be transforming your words into the next He's Just Not That Into You" I am self-managing my expectations with the skill and deftness of a panda wrangler.
At the moment, publication date is 26 March 2013 and I am praying that this day proves to be the end of a gigantic cycle of the universe where all planets align and this strangely causes many, many people to decide that sleeping separately is THE thing to do. They will all then need a book that gives them practical suggestions about doing it successfully - enter:
Sleeping apart... not falling apart:
A practical guide for couples who want a good night's sleep
Who wouldn't want to buy that!!
I look forward to returning to blogging. It's a creative squeeze that I do enjoy.
Another reason I was able to return to the blog was the completion of 50 Shades of Grey. Reading such title was my promise to myself upon completion of the manuscript.
I really should have organised a better reward for myself. More about that later.
06 July 2012
It's a no-brainer
no-brain.er
n. Informal
Something so simple or easy as to require no thought.
That's what sleeping separately is for some people - an activity/decision/event/behaviour that requires a minimal amount of thought when deciding if it's for them.
Let me break it down to clarify why they think it's a no-brainer.
In fact, the couples I spoke to describe it as a logical, sensible, rational, practical, commonsensical and pragmatic(le) decision, and one they are all so glad they have made. It's part of their life and does not equate to how successful or happy their relationship is - it just keeps them sane and functioning.
Every individual eventually works out what keeps them sane. It's probably an activitiy that they do alone, that gives them the time out they need to refocus and regroup. Without a level of calm and balance, life can become sub-optimal and who wants that?
Well, of course, I don't think it is.
if you want it.
n. Informal
Something so simple or easy as to require no thought.
That's what sleeping separately is for some people - an activity/decision/event/behaviour that requires a minimal amount of thought when deciding if it's for them.
I have spoken with three couples recently who practice 'sometimes separate sleeping'. Each couple spoke about sleeping apart for about 2-5 night a week for the same singular purpose - so they can sleep.
Well that's a no-brainer!!
- They have trouble sleeping with each other
- They want to feel rested and ready to function properly at their job the next day or to look after children
- They go to separate beds so they can get the sleep they need
What? There's no more I hear you ask?
No..... it's a no-brainer!
In fact, the couples I spoke to describe it as a logical, sensible, rational, practical, commonsensical and pragmatic(le) decision, and one they are all so glad they have made. It's part of their life and does not equate to how successful or happy their relationship is - it just keeps them sane and functioning.
Every individual eventually works out what keeps them sane. It's probably an activitiy that they do alone, that gives them the time out they need to refocus and regroup. Without a level of calm and balance, life can become sub-optimal and who wants that?
Here is a random, hastily-prepared list of stuff that I can think of that people do to bring back the balance in their life. (I did look at a lot of websites that talked about inner peace, clearing the mind, letting go of 'energy drainers', aligning one's chakras and things similar, and while there's nothing wrong with lining those chakras up if it helps you get through the day - no judgement here - I tend to live a more practical life, so here's what I think people do).
What I know is that people run, play team sports, become engrossed in a book (probably 50 Shades of Grey at the moment), play with children or pets, do craft or art, surf the web, do a sudoko or crossword, visit their friends, have a glass or 5 of wine, meditate, do yoga, go to the beach, go to the movies, lock themselves in their room, make a cake, clean the family silver, or.............................................. fill in the space if your sanity activity hasn't been listed - because there is no way I can list all the stuff people do to find some sanity when life runs on the hectic side.
So if there is an endless list of activities that help us humans get our grip back, why is spending the occasional night away from a loving, but possibly annoying partner who stops you from sleeping, any different?
I think it's a no-brainer.
So next time you are lying next to the person you love the most and they are snoring, thrashing, teeth grinding, reading, iPad-ing or stealing your sheets and blankets.... all I can say is that there is a
if you want it.
14 June 2012
We need to talk...
How well do you communicate? (this is actually a trick question - don't answer it)
Making the move to sleep separately may require on of those conversations that start with a big, long breath and a pained expression. Even if both parties know it has to happen or even want it to happen, there is still a high chance that one of the couple might have their feelings hurt or just not be in the right space to hear the news.
A quick search on the internet for how to best communicate with your partner yields millions of results - 8m + to be a little more exact.
I find this most appropriate, for there are millions of ways that are both right and wrong to communicate with your partner.
The tricky part of communicating with anyone really is the variables. These are the tricky bits to navigate with each other that make talking with another person in the pursuit of an outcome a veritable mine field.
My challenge - time myself for a minute and think of as many variables as I can that affect good clear communication between couples. And go...
There is SO (yes... capitals are necessary) much STUFF (yes... necessary again) that impacts on how well we communicate, that even if you have a gold medal in couples communication, there might be times when it all goes horribly wrong. This is why the question at the top is a trick question - sometimes we're great and sometimes we are bloody awful.
It's the design of humans. So flawed. So unreliable. So dodgy. So endearing.
So if you ever wanted to raise the topic of sleeping separately from your partner, but were too afraid, I may have the answer for you.
If I'd had access to a Manslater when raising the issue of separate sleeping with my husband, I think I would have chosen the Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
When I told him that he would have to sleep in his room because of the snoring, but that I still loved him and still wanted to spend time with him, and that our relationship was going to be fine because I trusted that there was so much else between us that not sharing a bed at night wouldn't take away from our new life together, and that we would not lose the closeness between us - it would just have to be explicit in other 'things' we did together, and that I still found him attractive and wanted to maintain our sex life, my Manslater would have summed it up with....... "Hasta la vista, baby!".
Now that's communicating.
Making the move to sleep separately may require on of those conversations that start with a big, long breath and a pained expression. Even if both parties know it has to happen or even want it to happen, there is still a high chance that one of the couple might have their feelings hurt or just not be in the right space to hear the news.
A quick search on the internet for how to best communicate with your partner yields millions of results - 8m + to be a little more exact.
I find this most appropriate, for there are millions of ways that are both right and wrong to communicate with your partner.
The tricky part of communicating with anyone really is the variables. These are the tricky bits to navigate with each other that make talking with another person in the pursuit of an outcome a veritable mine field.
My challenge - time myself for a minute and think of as many variables as I can that affect good clear communication between couples. And go...
- time of the day
- what's on television at that time
- level of stress caused by work, children, public transport, finances, sporting results
- time of the month (a lady one)
- trying to initiate or build up to sex
- sporting success or lack thereof during the day
- career trajectory
- relationship with their or your friends and family
- mood swings
- amount of food sating a hungry belly
- amount of alcohol consumed, or not
There is SO (yes... capitals are necessary) much STUFF (yes... necessary again) that impacts on how well we communicate, that even if you have a gold medal in couples communication, there might be times when it all goes horribly wrong. This is why the question at the top is a trick question - sometimes we're great and sometimes we are bloody awful.
It's the design of humans. So flawed. So unreliable. So dodgy. So endearing.
So if you ever wanted to raise the topic of sleeping separately from your partner, but were too afraid, I may have the answer for you.
If I'd had access to a Manslater when raising the issue of separate sleeping with my husband, I think I would have chosen the Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
When I told him that he would have to sleep in his room because of the snoring, but that I still loved him and still wanted to spend time with him, and that our relationship was going to be fine because I trusted that there was so much else between us that not sharing a bed at night wouldn't take away from our new life together, and that we would not lose the closeness between us - it would just have to be explicit in other 'things' we did together, and that I still found him attractive and wanted to maintain our sex life, my Manslater would have summed it up with....... "Hasta la vista, baby!".
Now that's communicating.
07 June 2012
The gift of bed
Tonight, a story to share from a friend of mine. I love this friend dearly and asked her recently to capture for me, part of a recent chapter of her life, as it's a chapter that has an aspect that's dear to my heart.
This friend's husband brought their 25 year marriage to an end through his thoughtless and rather selfish behaviour. (One word here - karma)
My friend was devastated in the months after the marriage ended and often wondered what life was going to look like without the person she had planned to spend her life with, sharing it with her.
I can happily report she is doing just fine, as most intelligent, capable and sensible people do. (Not that I am blindly biased or anything like that)
A surprising aspect of her post-marriage life has been how much she treasures having her own bed.
She writes in her story....
At fifty, I look back at my younger twenty-one-year-old self, and wonder why I gave up my own bed and room without question in the first place. I recall the excitement of the early days of marriage where sharing a room and a bed were symbols of my newly acquired marital status. In fact, not sharing a room and bed was never considered.
I think that she captures one of the 'constructs' I bleat on about when it comes to why our society places so much importance on bed sharing as a couple. It's a symbol that you are together - in every facet of your life. I was very grateful for her insight on that one. (I still don't agree with it, but I think I understand it more)
Her husband and her went on to experience the normal issues that arise in bed sharing - snoring, bed and room temperature, how to use sheets and blankets appropriately, excessive movement, etc., etc. But as a 'good wife and good couple' they persisted in sharing a bed, and she often found herself spending days in a "sleep-deprived stupor".
So here we are, 26 years down the track and now that she is free to explore what it's like to sleep solo - she is a convert. This is how she describes her sleeping arrangements circa 2012...
Now that I’ve had the luxury of my own room and my own bed again, I won’t be giving it up. I love shutting the bedroom door behind me and entering my own space to relax and ponder and rest. It sustains and nurtures me. There is nothing I like better than slipping into my bed each night, knowing I will sleep undisturbed until morning. Being able to spread out in a walk-in wardrobe is a definite plus as well. In time, if life does happen to bring a second partner for me, he will definitely need to be happy with a two bed/two room policy.
She called her story "The Gift of Bed" and I think it's a great gift for anyone to give themselves, if they can afford it.
(In reading and re-reading this post, I am concerned that I may sound a little biased towards separate sleeping. I'm certainly not pro-separate sleeping, just pro-having the choice to do so if that's what makes you happy. I think I'm just so happy for my friend that she has found something in her life that she really loves.
If she had found a new lease on life by climbing Mt Everest, or taking up crocheting, I would have been equally as enthusiastic. It's just that when someone else shares a pleasure you have - it's kind of neat.)
This friend's husband brought their 25 year marriage to an end through his thoughtless and rather selfish behaviour. (One word here - karma)
My friend was devastated in the months after the marriage ended and often wondered what life was going to look like without the person she had planned to spend her life with, sharing it with her.
I can happily report she is doing just fine, as most intelligent, capable and sensible people do. (Not that I am blindly biased or anything like that)
A surprising aspect of her post-marriage life has been how much she treasures having her own bed.
She writes in her story....
At fifty, I look back at my younger twenty-one-year-old self, and wonder why I gave up my own bed and room without question in the first place. I recall the excitement of the early days of marriage where sharing a room and a bed were symbols of my newly acquired marital status. In fact, not sharing a room and bed was never considered.
I think that she captures one of the 'constructs' I bleat on about when it comes to why our society places so much importance on bed sharing as a couple. It's a symbol that you are together - in every facet of your life. I was very grateful for her insight on that one. (I still don't agree with it, but I think I understand it more)
Her husband and her went on to experience the normal issues that arise in bed sharing - snoring, bed and room temperature, how to use sheets and blankets appropriately, excessive movement, etc., etc. But as a 'good wife and good couple' they persisted in sharing a bed, and she often found herself spending days in a "sleep-deprived stupor".
So here we are, 26 years down the track and now that she is free to explore what it's like to sleep solo - she is a convert. This is how she describes her sleeping arrangements circa 2012...
Now that I’ve had the luxury of my own room and my own bed again, I won’t be giving it up. I love shutting the bedroom door behind me and entering my own space to relax and ponder and rest. It sustains and nurtures me. There is nothing I like better than slipping into my bed each night, knowing I will sleep undisturbed until morning. Being able to spread out in a walk-in wardrobe is a definite plus as well. In time, if life does happen to bring a second partner for me, he will definitely need to be happy with a two bed/two room policy.
She called her story "The Gift of Bed" and I think it's a great gift for anyone to give themselves, if they can afford it.
(In reading and re-reading this post, I am concerned that I may sound a little biased towards separate sleeping. I'm certainly not pro-separate sleeping, just pro-having the choice to do so if that's what makes you happy. I think I'm just so happy for my friend that she has found something in her life that she really loves.
If she had found a new lease on life by climbing Mt Everest, or taking up crocheting, I would have been equally as enthusiastic. It's just that when someone else shares a pleasure you have - it's kind of neat.)
29 May 2012
Anyone want to share?
I have asked before, but am making another plea - this one is dancing on the fringes of being empassioned - for any folk out there who either sleep separately themselves, or know of others who do, who would be willing to be interviewed for my book.
I now have a looming deal with a publisher and need more material for the book, so am keenly interested in talking to more separate sleepers.
You, or your friends/acquaintances/work mates/relatives, don't have to sleep separately all the time; the separateness may be a part-time arrangement, or a sometimes arrangement.
I am willing to email questions, or phone for a chat - whatever is convenient.
So if there's anyone who would like to share..... get in touch on
jennyadams007@gmail.com
20 May 2012
If only....
As part of the ongoing research for my book, I trawl through
many, many websites. Yesterday I was poking around on YouTube and came across a
video from The Better Sleep Council that renders my whole thesis and reason for
writing redundant. Oops.
If only I could have the same the Pollyanna approach to my problems of sleeping with my husband.
If only they had not recognised that you might want to possibly move to another room if ear plugs don’t work if you sleep with a snorer in a 'very-fast-blink-and-you’ll-miss-it' kind of way.
If only I didn't quite like their sleep facts chart I could be a bit more dismissive.
And if only I didn't triple love this offering in their Press Resources Artwork section!
Finally, if only, I could change the logo to suit my thoughts on the issue......
If only……!!!
If only I could have the same the Pollyanna approach to my problems of sleeping with my husband.
If only they had not recognised that you might want to possibly move to another room if ear plugs don’t work if you sleep with a snorer in a 'very-fast-blink-and-you’ll-miss-it' kind of way.
If only I didn't quite like their sleep facts chart I could be a bit more dismissive.
And if only I didn't triple love this offering in their Press Resources Artwork section!
Finally, if only, I could change the logo to suit my thoughts on the issue......
If only I could say 'thank you The Better Sleep Council' for helping me find my voice in a quirky logo and 5 mins on Photoshop.
(PS If only Lissa could spell her name sensibly)
(PPS If only Zombieitis was a real word)
(PS If only Lissa could spell her name sensibly)
10 May 2012
Tooting your own horn
An advertisement for Ikea caught my eye the other day. God bless the Swedes.
The ad was two alternating panels down the left-hand size of a website and they caught my eye.
The images both resonated with, and highly entertained me. Farting in bed - is there anything worse?
If forced (gun to head, about to shoot my cats as well, blah blah blah....) to choose between a snoring or a farting partner to share a bed with, I would choose snoring. Without getting into capitals and bolding text, I hate being forced to smell someone else's farts. And I hate it even more when it's in bed.
The even more galling part about it being in bed is the hilarity that my partners, current and past, have had and still do take from the act. And it's not just my partners who find it hilarious, most men tend to and an array of euphamisms have emerged over years and cultures to add even more humour (please, oh please let my sarcasm be evident) to the practice:
For your edification and enlightenment:
While I have heard of (and experienced far too many times) a dutch oven, the other terms certainly formed a cultural learning from me.
So, some questions.
And so I leave you with the immortal words of Donna Summer.... "Toot toot, beep beep."
The ad was two alternating panels down the left-hand size of a website and they caught my eye.
The images both resonated with, and highly entertained me. Farting in bed - is there anything worse?
If forced (gun to head, about to shoot my cats as well, blah blah blah....) to choose between a snoring or a farting partner to share a bed with, I would choose snoring. Without getting into capitals and bolding text, I hate being forced to smell someone else's farts. And I hate it even more when it's in bed.
The even more galling part about it being in bed is the hilarity that my partners, current and past, have had and still do take from the act. And it's not just my partners who find it hilarious, most men tend to and an array of euphamisms have emerged over years and cultures to add even more humour (please, oh please let my sarcasm be evident) to the practice:
For your edification and enlightenment:
Fartin in da spoon
|
When you are with someone in bed,
(spooned together) and one farts.
|
Warm the bed
|
The act of farting in bed in order to provide a more
inviting environment for one's partner
|
Dutch oven
|
While lying in bed with another person, pulling the covers
over someone's head while breaking wind, thereby creating an unpleasant
situation in an enclosed space
|
Middle Eastern Steamer
|
When a person of middle eastern descent farts under the
covers in bed then pulls the covers over their partners face to breath in and
enjoy the aroma
|
Summer Breeze
|
A Summer Breeze is the act of farting in bed, fanning it
at your partner with the sheets while singing Summer Breeze by Seals and
Crofts
|
Hermit Crab
|
Where a single person, lies in bed, passes gas and then
pulls the covers over their own head to enjoy their own essence.
|
While I have heard of (and experienced far too many times) a dutch oven, the other terms certainly formed a cultural learning from me.
So, some questions.
- Why are farts funny?
- Why do men in particular find farts funny?
- Why are they funnier in bed?
- Why does anyone think that it's ok to fart in bed when another person is trying to sleep?
- Why is it ok to kill yourself laughing when you fart in bed with another person in there?
- Who thinks the Sultan pocket spring mattress from Ikea would go anyway to improving the lot of those who sleep with brazen farters?
- Why do I like to sleep in my own bed and my own room?
And so I leave you with the immortal words of Donna Summer.... "Toot toot, beep beep."
02 May 2012
Wakey wakey!
How do you like to be woken in the morning? Being lovingly gazed upon by George Clooney on D. Porthault bed linen, listening to Riva boats ferry the rich and beautiful between the shores of Lake Como? Or is that just me?
How we wake, or how we choose to be woken can have a big impact on the relative success of the day ahead. I'm not suggesting this happens all the time, but I'm confident we've all been there.
The methods by which people choose to wake will be many and varied. Us separate sleepers have the luxury of not only choosing the method, but changing it whenever and 'why-ever' we want.
I have written before about the app that I use called Sleep Cycle. This app monitors my sleep patterns throughout the night (I am still COMPLETELY addicted to reviewing them first thing every morning - 75 days after the purchase) and wakes me gently, and caringly, depending on which stage of the sleep cycle I am in. As well as being totally taken by seeing what I got up to during the night, I like the fact that I can snooze a criminal number of times, before my phone eventually says "Enough" and starts vibrating.
(Admission - I can sometimes be heard talking to my phone when it stirs me for the 10th time with it's gentle 'Forest glade' alarm sound. Unilateral conversations of "yeah, yeah", "alright, I heard you", "I know it's time to get up" and "oh shut up" are not uncommon on the mornings of sub-7-hour sleeps.)
So what do the couples who share a bed do when they don't have the same desires when it comes to being aroused from slumber?
I had a boyfriend who wanted to be woken by TripleM on the radio every morning. For the non-Australian readers, click the link and the stories adorning the front page should give you a pretty good indication of the station's target audience. As I link through this evening, here's what's on offer....
If you like naked women and women kissing other women, then you have arrived at your dream radio station. But I digress. The main issue I had was that it is a hard rock station, on which a lot of "great rock hits from the 80s, 90s and now" were played. Quite simply, I kinda hate great rock hits from most eras. For the record, I mostly listen to Triple J - for mine, it's just a little more cerebral and interesting.
So back to the sleeping and the waking..... I can't tell you how many times I was wrenched from my sleep by a mid-40s, gravelly male voice, screaming unintelligible lyrics. I hated it. I would be cranky, and even more so, when I knew the boyfriend took perverse pleasure in knowing it annoyed me. This is just one of the myriad of reasons he is a past tense person.
Some folk wake up in the morning and bound into each day with a vim and vigour that is admirable. I am at the other end of the scale - hence arguing with an app on my phone - and I know there are others like me, who like to gently mosey on in to the day, quietly gathering their thoughts about the adventures awaiting us.
When you sleep with someone who has a different approach to greeting each new day, it can be a struggle to arrive at a mutually accepted method of waking.
So for those who may be struggling with their choice of wakening devices, consider this great app. And the bonus is, it comes with a funky gadget.
Before watching the video of the device in action, check out the great 'Sleep Tip' video the designers of the app have made. This one is #6 - The Cranky Girlfriend.
The app is the Lark alarm and sleep monitoring system. Click here to check out all the deets - or enjoy the YouTube video with at least better acting than the differently weighted duvet videos.
(Was v excited to see some Ikea cushions on the bed that I have too - the brown spotty ones.)
Is this the solution you have been looking for?
Until the morning then, I bid you a good night.
How we wake, or how we choose to be woken can have a big impact on the relative success of the day ahead. I'm not suggesting this happens all the time, but I'm confident we've all been there.
The methods by which people choose to wake will be many and varied. Us separate sleepers have the luxury of not only choosing the method, but changing it whenever and 'why-ever' we want.
I have written before about the app that I use called Sleep Cycle. This app monitors my sleep patterns throughout the night (I am still COMPLETELY addicted to reviewing them first thing every morning - 75 days after the purchase) and wakes me gently, and caringly, depending on which stage of the sleep cycle I am in. As well as being totally taken by seeing what I got up to during the night, I like the fact that I can snooze a criminal number of times, before my phone eventually says "Enough" and starts vibrating.
(Admission - I can sometimes be heard talking to my phone when it stirs me for the 10th time with it's gentle 'Forest glade' alarm sound. Unilateral conversations of "yeah, yeah", "alright, I heard you", "I know it's time to get up" and "oh shut up" are not uncommon on the mornings of sub-7-hour sleeps.)
So what do the couples who share a bed do when they don't have the same desires when it comes to being aroused from slumber?
I had a boyfriend who wanted to be woken by TripleM on the radio every morning. For the non-Australian readers, click the link and the stories adorning the front page should give you a pretty good indication of the station's target audience. As I link through this evening, here's what's on offer....
If you like naked women and women kissing other women, then you have arrived at your dream radio station. But I digress. The main issue I had was that it is a hard rock station, on which a lot of "great rock hits from the 80s, 90s and now" were played. Quite simply, I kinda hate great rock hits from most eras. For the record, I mostly listen to Triple J - for mine, it's just a little more cerebral and interesting.
So back to the sleeping and the waking..... I can't tell you how many times I was wrenched from my sleep by a mid-40s, gravelly male voice, screaming unintelligible lyrics. I hated it. I would be cranky, and even more so, when I knew the boyfriend took perverse pleasure in knowing it annoyed me. This is just one of the myriad of reasons he is a past tense person.
Some folk wake up in the morning and bound into each day with a vim and vigour that is admirable. I am at the other end of the scale - hence arguing with an app on my phone - and I know there are others like me, who like to gently mosey on in to the day, quietly gathering their thoughts about the adventures awaiting us.
When you sleep with someone who has a different approach to greeting each new day, it can be a struggle to arrive at a mutually accepted method of waking.
So for those who may be struggling with their choice of wakening devices, consider this great app. And the bonus is, it comes with a funky gadget.
Before watching the video of the device in action, check out the great 'Sleep Tip' video the designers of the app have made. This one is #6 - The Cranky Girlfriend.
The app is the Lark alarm and sleep monitoring system. Click here to check out all the deets - or enjoy the YouTube video with at least better acting than the differently weighted duvet videos.
(Was v excited to see some Ikea cushions on the bed that I have too - the brown spotty ones.)
Is this the solution you have been looking for?
Until the morning then, I bid you a good night.
25 April 2012
Can I quote you on that.....
Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Do you have a favourite quote? A saying, or three, by which you live your life and explain away certain actions or decisions? It may, or may not surprise you to learn that there are many quotes about sleeping. In fact, there are pages and pages on the internet - and I haven't even considered looking through books of quotes (don't know if their index will be thorough and swift as Google).
I am using two types of quotes in my book. More formal quotes that capture a particular theme or message of a chaper, and then the quotes of the various people I am interviewing or discovering on blogs and chat rooms.
I thought I would share some of my favourite quotes to date. I shalln't give reasons for the inclusion of each one - suffice to say they have tickled my fancy and pricked my interest for a variety of reasons. I offer them here for consideration and enlightenment.
“All this fuss about sleeping together.
For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day”.
Evelyn Waugh
“If you didn't know what sleep was,
and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was
weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen”
George Carlin
"Roll, twist, struggle, kick, fuss, sigh" Anonymous
"I think there’s something wrong. Her parents
aren’t sleeping in the same bed anymore."
Gretchen Wieners, “Mean Girls”
Gretchen Wieners, “Mean Girls”
"While I understand that my husband needs to go to the toilet during the night, must the activity involve the broken waterfall effect, a couple of farts and that much sighing?." Sue, married 12 years
"It’s one of life’s little luxuries." (comment about farting in bed)
Ross, 42, Draftsman
“Sleep is my drug of choice”, Tanlee
19 April 2012
The list we need to talk about....
I am feeling all smug and boastful at the moment after the female of a couple who recently stayed with us conceded that sleeping with her partner was not what she really wanted to be doing any more. The plans for her alternate existence involved having her own room where she wasn't interrupted by the short, sharp, but loud and repetitive snorts her husband emitted every night - some nights, louder and more often than others.
She explained to me though that it was what they were expected to do as they were married - they are in their late 60s.
This lady shared that she believed her partner would be most upset, because of the perceived rejection, if she were to suggest they sleep separately. She then, very quickly, followed this up with a well-rehearsed explanation that went something like "even though his snoring keeps me awake at night, it's so special to know that he is there next to me and when we wake next to each other and can lie and chat in bed, it makes all those sleepless nights seem worthwhile".
I do get that part of sleeping together, but the longing look on her face when she spoke about sleeping in her own bed belied the propaganda overtones of her generation's spiel.
As I have stated before, and will continue to do so, I am not anti bed-sharing. I am honestly jealous of those couples who get enough quality sleep each night in the company of their loved one. However, I feel dismay in equal proportions for those people who subject themselves to night after night of broken sleep for the sake of a social construct.
So while there is much that is warm, fuzzy and wonderful (low grade, blatant sarcasm noted by self) about sharing a bed, I put to you readers the list of what can go wrong.
I am supremely confident that I have not captured all the issues faced by couples who undertake the treacherous task of sleeping with each other, and invite anyone so inclined to add to the list either by comment or by email to me. Any new 'issues' will be included in the book.
This list is in no particular order; it includes both in-bed issues and what I call issued 'around' sleeping; some of the issues are ones that we don't really like to talk about (see the last three); and some are specific to a particular time in your life.
However, they are all behaviours or situations that can keep one or both people in the same bed from sleeping, and when they occur night after night, after night, after night....... you have to wonder.
Well, I do.
She explained to me though that it was what they were expected to do as they were married - they are in their late 60s.
This lady shared that she believed her partner would be most upset, because of the perceived rejection, if she were to suggest they sleep separately. She then, very quickly, followed this up with a well-rehearsed explanation that went something like "even though his snoring keeps me awake at night, it's so special to know that he is there next to me and when we wake next to each other and can lie and chat in bed, it makes all those sleepless nights seem worthwhile".
I do get that part of sleeping together, but the longing look on her face when she spoke about sleeping in her own bed belied the propaganda overtones of her generation's spiel.
As I have stated before, and will continue to do so, I am not anti bed-sharing. I am honestly jealous of those couples who get enough quality sleep each night in the company of their loved one. However, I feel dismay in equal proportions for those people who subject themselves to night after night of broken sleep for the sake of a social construct.
So while there is much that is warm, fuzzy and wonderful (low grade, blatant sarcasm noted by self) about sharing a bed, I put to you readers the list of what can go wrong.
I am supremely confident that I have not captured all the issues faced by couples who undertake the treacherous task of sleeping with each other, and invite anyone so inclined to add to the list either by comment or by email to me. Any new 'issues' will be included in the book.
This list is in no particular order; it includes both in-bed issues and what I call issued 'around' sleeping; some of the issues are ones that we don't really like to talk about (see the last three); and some are specific to a particular time in your life.
However, they are all behaviours or situations that can keep one or both people in the same bed from sleeping, and when they occur night after night, after night, after night....... you have to wonder.
Well, I do.
- Snoring
- Movement by partner
- Sleeping with kids
- Sleeping with pets
- Loud breathing
- Differing temperature needs
- Getting up in the night to go to the toilet, get a drink, have a wander….
- Reading in bed – lights on, noise of pages turning
- Using computer, phone or other device in bed
- Eating in bed
- Watching TV in bed
- Level of sound in the room
- Level of light in the room
- How you are woken – device for waking and the level of noise
- The size of the bed
- The firmness of the bed
- Who gets to sleep on which side of the bed
- Sheet textures
- Amount and size of pillows
- Differing sleep positions
- To cuddle or not to cuddle
- Teeth grinding
- Sweating
- Waking from dreams and nightmares
- Going to bed angry
- Sleep walking
- Sleep talking
- Insomnia
- Illness – temporary or long term
- Sleeping in the nude
- Farting
- Sleeping in the wet spot
Are there more? Please add to the list if you can.
I'm glad we got to share.
06 April 2012
Heating things up between the sheets
While my blog is focussed on separate sleeping, I do acknowledge and celebrate those couples who happily, and even blissfully sleep in the same bed night after night.
I used to do it too. But those days are long gone.
While some couples 'sleeping planets' align perfectly and they can lie next to each other in perfect harmony, some do still have small niggles that need some attention. The temperature of the bed is a very common niggle. But fear not - there are companies out there that have heard the call.
(Disclaimer: this is not a comprehensively researched blog entry and there may indeed be companies that have a similar solution, but not a cheesey video, so I didn't include them)
First there's CosyCool adjustable duvets (doonas). The company's video to describe how their 'solution works' wasn't quite as entertaining as they may have intended it to be, but it gets the message across.
Maybe there's just not that much money in tog-adjustable duvets (doonas) and CosyCool hasn't been able to really sink some big bucks into an advertising campaign as yet.
Then there's the Twovet - the duvet for two who brush off the suggestion of sleeping apart to solve temperature problems - herecy!
Another solution that I can offer is to purchase two differently weighted single duvets (doonas) and enjoying your own bed clothing that can't be wrenched from you in a dramatic rolling manouvre during the night.
While the solution does not make for a very interesing product or possibly a great video. It's simple and doesn't require an overseas purchase.
If social modesty inhibits such a brash display of individualism, may I suggest a cover is strategically placed over the single doonas to give the illusion of togetherness.
So once again planets can align, and mars and venus can lie peacefully next to each other.
I used to do it too. But those days are long gone.
While some couples 'sleeping planets' align perfectly and they can lie next to each other in perfect harmony, some do still have small niggles that need some attention. The temperature of the bed is a very common niggle. But fear not - there are companies out there that have heard the call.
(Disclaimer: this is not a comprehensively researched blog entry and there may indeed be companies that have a similar solution, but not a cheesey video, so I didn't include them)
First there's CosyCool adjustable duvets (doonas). The company's video to describe how their 'solution works' wasn't quite as entertaining as they may have intended it to be, but it gets the message across.
Maybe there's just not that much money in tog-adjustable duvets (doonas) and CosyCool hasn't been able to really sink some big bucks into an advertising campaign as yet.
Then there's the Twovet - the duvet for two who brush off the suggestion of sleeping apart to solve temperature problems - herecy!
Another solution that I can offer is to purchase two differently weighted single duvets (doonas) and enjoying your own bed clothing that can't be wrenched from you in a dramatic rolling manouvre during the night.
While the solution does not make for a very interesing product or possibly a great video. It's simple and doesn't require an overseas purchase.
If social modesty inhibits such a brash display of individualism, may I suggest a cover is strategically placed over the single doonas to give the illusion of togetherness.
So once again planets can align, and mars and venus can lie peacefully next to each other.
26 March 2012
The silence of the sheets
I have written about many of the overt and obvious behaviours that create problems in bed. There are the in-between-the-sheets problems, such as snoring and bed cover stealing, and the problems that are created 'around' sleeping, such as differing bed times and temperature requirements.
But there is also a silent sleeping issue that instills fear into a loved-one's hearts, or that fuels the fires of an angry interchange between bed-sharing partners.
Allan Pease would be a more informed writer on the topic - it's the non-verbals of not getting along.
We all know that non-verbals are as equal, if not more powerful, than verbals when it comes to how people 'talk' to each other. I have such strong memories of heading to bed with a partner after a fierce showdown and dreading having to lie next to him. The urge to punch and/or suffocate said partner was often strongly resisted, balanced equally with the desperately sought desire to sleep.
Similarly, I was often the person in the partnership racked with guilt about bad behaviour, but unable to climb over a high wall of pride to admit my wrong doings.
Either scenario, however, probably looked a little something like this.......
I'm neither a pyschologist, nor relationship counsellor, but I don't think that any of these images scream "I'm getting a great night's sleep!!". (Mind you, the men in pictures 1 and 3 do look particularly peaceful - I won't even go there)
Taking a stressful situation to bed with you is not an ideal environment in which to sleep. The non-verbals associated with an argument can become a physical presence in a bed with a couple. It's the other 'person' who comes to have a threesome, that you really didn't want or invite.
Turned backs, stiff bodies, seriously loud and exaggerated sighing, dramatic turns in the bed, and innocent pillows punched, can all add up to lying for hours staring at the clock, the ceiling, or the inside of your eyelids.
The double whammy comes in the morning when you both awake to try to sort out the problem. You've got a foggy head and are unable to reason through the issues, because you have barely slept and are genuinely incapable of good logic.
How about this for a suggestion? You and your partner have a disagreement/argument/
stoush/whammy of a fight; you say what you can to smooth some waters over before bed time (or not); you then agree that some time apart might give you space and the chance to think things through.
Logically, what I am working towards is separate beds - be it for a night or longer. I can hear thousands, nay millions screaming that you need to go to bed with your estranged partner to keep the intimacy there in times of crisis and how can you have 'great make up sex' if you're not lying next to each other?
Sorry. I just don't agree.
I think there are many times where time apart can give you physical, emotional and mental space to work through problems and come to resolution faster than sticking it out in that small shared space.
And honestly, it's a personal thing. If my husband and I cannot resolve a fight before we go to sleep (and he is best at trying to get it resolved) we will still make sure we say 'I love you' and agree to sort the problem out the next day (or the day after). We realise that a tired head and heart aren't always the best tools to solve a breakdown in our relationship.
So we fight like any other couple, but don't need to get in to bed together to sort out the problem. Make up sex still happens, but it's not dependent on getting into a shared bed.
When we do disagree though, neither of us have to lie next to a stiffened board, or a flailing animal in death throes, huffing and puffing, as they work through their anger. We still make our way to our own rooms, taking care of each other's emotions and enjoying the gentle and welcoming silence of our own sheets.
But there is also a silent sleeping issue that instills fear into a loved-one's hearts, or that fuels the fires of an angry interchange between bed-sharing partners.
Allan Pease would be a more informed writer on the topic - it's the non-verbals of not getting along.
We all know that non-verbals are as equal, if not more powerful, than verbals when it comes to how people 'talk' to each other. I have such strong memories of heading to bed with a partner after a fierce showdown and dreading having to lie next to him. The urge to punch and/or suffocate said partner was often strongly resisted, balanced equally with the desperately sought desire to sleep.
Similarly, I was often the person in the partnership racked with guilt about bad behaviour, but unable to climb over a high wall of pride to admit my wrong doings.
Either scenario, however, probably looked a little something like this.......
I'm neither a pyschologist, nor relationship counsellor, but I don't think that any of these images scream "I'm getting a great night's sleep!!". (Mind you, the men in pictures 1 and 3 do look particularly peaceful - I won't even go there)
Taking a stressful situation to bed with you is not an ideal environment in which to sleep. The non-verbals associated with an argument can become a physical presence in a bed with a couple. It's the other 'person' who comes to have a threesome, that you really didn't want or invite.
Turned backs, stiff bodies, seriously loud and exaggerated sighing, dramatic turns in the bed, and innocent pillows punched, can all add up to lying for hours staring at the clock, the ceiling, or the inside of your eyelids.
The double whammy comes in the morning when you both awake to try to sort out the problem. You've got a foggy head and are unable to reason through the issues, because you have barely slept and are genuinely incapable of good logic.
How about this for a suggestion? You and your partner have a disagreement/argument/
stoush/whammy of a fight; you say what you can to smooth some waters over before bed time (or not); you then agree that some time apart might give you space and the chance to think things through.
Logically, what I am working towards is separate beds - be it for a night or longer. I can hear thousands, nay millions screaming that you need to go to bed with your estranged partner to keep the intimacy there in times of crisis and how can you have 'great make up sex' if you're not lying next to each other?
Sorry. I just don't agree.
I think there are many times where time apart can give you physical, emotional and mental space to work through problems and come to resolution faster than sticking it out in that small shared space.
And honestly, it's a personal thing. If my husband and I cannot resolve a fight before we go to sleep (and he is best at trying to get it resolved) we will still make sure we say 'I love you' and agree to sort the problem out the next day (or the day after). We realise that a tired head and heart aren't always the best tools to solve a breakdown in our relationship.
So we fight like any other couple, but don't need to get in to bed together to sort out the problem. Make up sex still happens, but it's not dependent on getting into a shared bed.
When we do disagree though, neither of us have to lie next to a stiffened board, or a flailing animal in death throes, huffing and puffing, as they work through their anger. We still make our way to our own rooms, taking care of each other's emotions and enjoying the gentle and welcoming silence of our own sheets.
12 March 2012
I can't bear sleeping with you!
I've written before about famous couples who are quite open about sleeping separately.
There's the Queen and Prince Phillip, Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton, Diane von Furstenberg and her husband, and Bob Ellis and his wife. (For the non-Australians, Bob Ellis is a political commentator and journalist).
However, I came across another famous couple who are separate sleepers. And this quite famous couple might surprise you - it certainly did me.
They are a couple that many people would not expect to sleep apart as the veneer of their life is one of a happy, normal family with two loving parents. They eat together, exercise together and take care of each other when their family unit is challenged.
For years, it didn't cross my mind that they were thought leaders in separate sleeping but have been getting the message out there since the beginning of the 20th century.
Readers, I give you Mother Bear and Father Bear.
To quote Goldilocks - on discovering their avant garde sleeping arrangement:
She climbed on to Father Bear's bed and said "this bed is too high for me"
She then climbed on to Mother Bear's bed and said "this bed is too low for me"
She then lay down on Baby Bear's bed and said "this is exactly right"
They slept in separate beds!! How did I miss it?
If only they were still around to interview.
There's the Queen and Prince Phillip, Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton, Diane von Furstenberg and her husband, and Bob Ellis and his wife. (For the non-Australians, Bob Ellis is a political commentator and journalist).
However, I came across another famous couple who are separate sleepers. And this quite famous couple might surprise you - it certainly did me.
They are a couple that many people would not expect to sleep apart as the veneer of their life is one of a happy, normal family with two loving parents. They eat together, exercise together and take care of each other when their family unit is challenged.
For years, it didn't cross my mind that they were thought leaders in separate sleeping but have been getting the message out there since the beginning of the 20th century.
Readers, I give you Mother Bear and Father Bear.
To quote Goldilocks - on discovering their avant garde sleeping arrangement:
She climbed on to Father Bear's bed and said "this bed is too high for me"
She then climbed on to Mother Bear's bed and said "this bed is too low for me"
She then lay down on Baby Bear's bed and said "this is exactly right"
They slept in separate beds!! How did I miss it?
If only they were still around to interview.
05 March 2012
Feeling appy?
I have a chapter in my (yet to be finished, picked up by a publisher, or printed) book about the science of sleep.
Part of the chapter explains why us human folk will sometimes wake up feeling just grand and sometimes waking up feeling like a grand piano has landed on us (and may still be there). It's all to do with body clocks, circadian rhythms, sleep cycles, and goes something a little like this.
We all have a sleep cycle that we move through each time we close our eyes to rest. There are five stages to the sleep cycle; each cycle lasting approximately 90 minutes. Four stages are non-REM (rapid eye movement) and one stage is REM sleep, when we do most of our active dreaming and our eyes tend to move – hence the name.
Getting good, restorative sleep is not just a matter of spending enough hours in bed. The amount of time you spend in each of the stages of sleep matters. A normal adult spends approximately 50% of total sleep time in light sleep, 20% in REM sleep, and 30% in the remaining stages, including deep sleep.
Each stage of sleep in the sleep cycle offers benefits to the sleeper. However, deep sleep and REM sleep are particularly important.
The most damaging effects of sleep deprivation are from inadequate deep sleep. Deep sleep is a time when the body repairs itself and builds up energy for the day ahead. It plays a major role in maintaining general health, stimulating growth and development, repairing muscles and tissues, and boosting your immune system. In order to wake up energised and refreshed, getting quality deep sleep is key. Being woken in the night during the deep sleep or REM stages can impact significantly on the quality of sleep had each night and can contribute to an increase in the symptoms experienced from lack of sleep.
After telling a friend about this aspect of sleeping, she shared with me that she has an app on her iPhone that monitors your sleep cycles and wakes you up at some point within a half-hour window, but at an appropriate pace and time to coincide with what part of your sleep cycle you are in. The app is called Sleep Cycle.
It's a reasonably priced app and I really quite like it. As well as having very calming sounds to wake me, it does do the whole 'work out where I am in my sleep cycle and wake me appropriately' thing, but best of all - you get a very cool graph of your sleep pattern each night, a record of how long you have slept, and an average sleeping time over the nights you use it.
Part of the chapter explains why us human folk will sometimes wake up feeling just grand and sometimes waking up feeling like a grand piano has landed on us (and may still be there). It's all to do with body clocks, circadian rhythms, sleep cycles, and goes something a little like this.
We all have a sleep cycle that we move through each time we close our eyes to rest. There are five stages to the sleep cycle; each cycle lasting approximately 90 minutes. Four stages are non-REM (rapid eye movement) and one stage is REM sleep, when we do most of our active dreaming and our eyes tend to move – hence the name.
Getting good, restorative sleep is not just a matter of spending enough hours in bed. The amount of time you spend in each of the stages of sleep matters. A normal adult spends approximately 50% of total sleep time in light sleep, 20% in REM sleep, and 30% in the remaining stages, including deep sleep.
Each stage of sleep in the sleep cycle offers benefits to the sleeper. However, deep sleep and REM sleep are particularly important.
The most damaging effects of sleep deprivation are from inadequate deep sleep. Deep sleep is a time when the body repairs itself and builds up energy for the day ahead. It plays a major role in maintaining general health, stimulating growth and development, repairing muscles and tissues, and boosting your immune system. In order to wake up energised and refreshed, getting quality deep sleep is key. Being woken in the night during the deep sleep or REM stages can impact significantly on the quality of sleep had each night and can contribute to an increase in the symptoms experienced from lack of sleep.
After telling a friend about this aspect of sleeping, she shared with me that she has an app on her iPhone that monitors your sleep cycles and wakes you up at some point within a half-hour window, but at an appropriate pace and time to coincide with what part of your sleep cycle you are in. The app is called Sleep Cycle.
It's a reasonably priced app and I really quite like it. As well as having very calming sounds to wake me, it does do the whole 'work out where I am in my sleep cycle and wake me appropriately' thing, but best of all - you get a very cool graph of your sleep pattern each night, a record of how long you have slept, and an average sleeping time over the nights you use it.
Example of sleep graph
I'm not on commission to sell the app - just wanted to share with any like-minded geeks who think that seeing your sleep pattern and knowing how long you have slept each night (and average sleeping times) will add value to your life.
It is certainly keeping me 'appy at the moment.
BTW - avg sleeping time over 19 nights is 7hrs 22mins.
29 February 2012
Calling all separate sleepers - or wannabe separate sleepers....
I am wondering if anyone who reads my blog would be interested in sharing their thoughts, opinions or experiences with me?
I am looking for material for my book and am keen to hear from:
My address is: jennyadams007@gmail.com
If you send me an email with a brief outline of your situation, I will send back some questions for you to answer.
The task won't be onerous (I promise) and there will be a form to fill in to provide your consent for participation in the book.
My fingers are crossed.
Thank you in anticipation.
Jenny
I am looking for material for my book and am keen to hear from:
- Couples who sleep separately - even if it's just one person from the couple
- People who would like to sleep separately, but don't know how to raise the subject
- People who still sleep with their partner, but have a hard time doing so
- People who know people who might fall into the categories above and can be convinced to share with me
My address is: jennyadams007@gmail.com
If you send me an email with a brief outline of your situation, I will send back some questions for you to answer.
The task won't be onerous (I promise) and there will be a form to fill in to provide your consent for participation in the book.
My fingers are crossed.
Thank you in anticipation.
Jenny
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